For some reason today was one of those days that there seemed to be reminders of Mom all day long. It started at church when I read a prayer request for a woman whose mother was recently diagnosed with cancer. Then the sermon centered around Philippians 1:21 in which Paul says, "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain." The sermon ended with a video of a man from the church who has been given a few months to live. He has several tumors in his chest cavity and there's no treatment for them. (Mom had several tumors, including some in her abdominal cavity.) Then the worship team came back up on the stage and sang the MercyMe song "I Can Only Imagine". This song describing a person's response upon encountering Jesus in Heaven was everywhere when Mom died. I think about her every time I hear it. After church I had a break from the reminders, until we went to the Freedom Concert tonight. It was an amazing experience, and deserves it's own post, but the first entertainer was Lee Greenwood. Mom loved Lee Greenwood, and all during his performance I was thinking about how much she would have enjoyed seeing him tonight.
In the past, days like this would have gotten me really depressed. And there are still times that I get down when I think about how much I miss her. But I also see that days like this don't affect me as negatively as they once did. I know that there will always be pain from missing her, but I am so grateful that God has healed much of this pain. I feel that a large part of this healing has come from choosing to focus (or being able to focus) on the future hope that I have instead of the past regrets. I had longed to spend more time with her as an adult. I was looking forward to watching her grandparent my future children. I am saddened that we didn't have more meaningful conversations in the weeks before she died. While I regret that those things didn't happen, I am grateful that I do have the hope of seeing her again in Heaven. I am so grateful that I have the assurance (based on her testimony) that she is in a perfect place now where there is no more pain for her. I am most grateful that I have a Savior who not only saves me, but who loves me, comforts me, and heals me. I am grateful that today was more than a reminder of Mom, but that it was also a reminder of Him.
Weeding and Healing
5 years ago